Thanksgiving....

I am getting to where I just don't think "normal" is ever going to exist in my life anymore. I had my hysterectomy on the 27th of October. I am now feeling a lot better. My mother-in-law is now currently in the hospital due to an infection in her spine and I am trying to gain some understanding in the things that I am obviously not learning from all of my trials this past year. Between my mother's death and 3 surgeries, my father's injury and accident and now Mary's hospital stay I am at a loss as to what I need to be doing. It scares me sometimes how just little moments can alter the course of our lives forever. I have been praying hard for my mother in law and hope that she can recover and walk again soon and that the paralysis goes away so that she can function. I hope that I can become a better person and be more willing to help those around me more then feeling sorry for myself. I was just released last Sunday from my primary calling. I am pretty happy about that but am waiting for another one to come along. I am hopeful that it is going to help me grow and learn more about myself. Thanksgiving was very different this year. We had planned on Mary and Richard coming but with Mary in the hospital we took a nice dinner to them there. There were missing seats this year. It was the first year that my dad wasn't here either. It was very sad to me this year. I need to start being happy for the things that I have and stop worrying about the negative. We don't know what the Lord has in store for us, He just knows what were are capable of. I guess He knows I am stronger then I do. I am forever thankful that I have the Gospel in my life and the belief that I will be together with my mom and family forever.

Fall is here......

Well we have been busy the past months. My kids have already been home sick from school. We took a drive up to Palisades to see the wonderful Fall colors and have been battling several different illnesses in our home. The coming week is the year mark of my mother's collapse at Sam's Club. We are all still grieving and trying to make sense of our lives and understand why all this happened. I am getting surgery again this year. Tuesday October 27th, I am getting a hysterectomy. I have been struggling with this because we were trying to have another baby but it just hasn't happened so I am guessing that this is the Lord's hand intervening and helping along the way in my decision. I am hopeful of a better year to come and a better outlook on my emotional and physical side of things. I am still and forever hopeful of things to be better. We will see how things play out the next couple of weeks.

So Beautiful

Beautiful temple.

So green and glorious.

So quiet and peaceful. I could stay here forever.

Unique and amazing.

Dividing the waters from the land.

Wow Summer is Over

Well another summer is officially over and my 3 oldest children are all back in school now. We are baptising my son CJ next Saturday and I am finding it really hard to believe that 2 of my children are already old enough for this gift. Matthew is really busy and still isn't talking much but sometimes I think that is okay, once they learn how they rarely shut up. I am still working through a lot of problems and issues and am still hopeful and prayerful of some changes that make me feel better. I will be going out to visit my sister in Hawaii in a week and a half and staying for 7 count them 7 full days. This will be the first time I have been on my own without my kids for more then 1 night unless I was delivering another one. I am really looking forward to relaxing and enjoying some me time. I will be putting pictures up soon. We have done a lot the past few weeks so those will be forthcoming.

More pictures.....

Coming Home

Shoshone Falls in Twin Falls

Aunt Allison and Sarah

The Kelley's at Shoshone Falls

4th Of July Fireworks with the Neighbors

What a month.......

4th of July Parade

Palisades/Indian Creek

Indian Creek

Craters of the Moon

Twilight Night

Well, to say the least the past month feels like it has been a year. Our family has done a lot the past month. From visiting Craters of the Moon; Palisades; the hospital (again) a really fun Twilight party. The 4th of July parade and Shoshone Falls then Girl's Camp (me). We have had a lot of fun, and some family drama thrown in for good measure. My family (brothers and sister) had another family reunion at the ICU of Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center and we are becoming very frustrated that this is the location of our get-togethers due to my dad getting the wrong end of a motor scooter accident. Luckily it wasn't as severe as we were led to believe (thank heaven for miracles). I actually thoroughly enjoyed camping this past week, although there is a lot to be said for pillow-top mattresses and a bathroom down the hall. All in all I am hoping for a little breather before any more drama unfolds.

Another year older.......

Well this coming Sunday is my birthday. It definately loses its purpose after age 20. I think that you should be allowed to miss church if it is your birthday but what are the chances? I am getting really to have a Twilight movie party for some of my neighbors and friends this next week. I was also just recently called to be the Assistant Girl's Camp Director so I will be going to Darby from the 14th of July to the 17th. I also went to Manti to see the Miracle pageant last weekend and did a temple session it was absolutely amazing. I am still struggling with some things in life, but have decided that I still can't control other people's choices and actions. I can only do my best for my own family. I am continually praying for some understanding and peace again.

May 2009

Matthew Running wild!

Sarah loves Trixie.

Joseph and Sarah holding Benny and Trixie.

Sarah giving Matthew a piggy-back ride.

Putting Flowers on the graves over Memorial weekend.

Another day........

I have been dreading this week with a passion since November 9th. I don't know why but it really is getting to me that this week is the 6 month mark of when my mom died and it also just happens to be the week of Mother's Day. I have been really hoping that I would be coping better with the loss, but apparently it isn't to be. Along with my mother it was this time last year that my Grandma Pratt passed away. Sometimes it just seems so surreal at times that this past year is just a really really long awful dream. I really wish it were. This week I can definately feel the emotions are really raw and close to the surface. I still find myself going to pick up the phone and wanting to talk to my mom and have her make the pain go away by making me laugh it off. I wish I were more like her and wake up saying "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful" or "I feel excellent bordering on the spectacular." I have come to the conclusion that life is sometimes not what you're expecting, that telling those around you that you love and appreciate them, that friends are a blessing and that true compassion and charity is the most amazing gift you can give to someone. I can only hope and pray that I can influence people like my mother did.

Kelley Cuties

I finally am getting caught up.

No more.....

I am officially done with the ENT doctor that I have been using. I don't know what gives him the right to think that only his time is precious. I was so angry yesterday. I went to get my one week check and get these awful splints out of my nose. My appointment was scheduled for 3:00, I checked in and waited, and waited, and waited and waited. I sat through almost all of Sleeping Beauty and half of Toy Story. I didn't get called back until 4:40 and then he finally came into the room at 5:00 when he looked in my nose. Removed one of the stitches and proceeded to remove the splints (those are nasty). Anyway, he rechecked my nose after removal and then sent me on my way. To my surprise, he was in the room exactly 6 minutes. I arrived home and was wiping my nose and to my shock and horror. He FORGOT a stitch. It was hanging out of my nose and VERY OBVIOUS. Stupid man. I bet his wife did his homework in medical school. It would be one thing if the insane waiting and overscheduling was a one-off. But this is every time you walk into his office or have surgery last week he was an 1 1/2 behind schedule for that. I have decided that I am done with this medical practice and they can STOP practicing on me. Now I am done.

Ouch.....

Well it is finally finished. My surgery on Monday ended up being really nasty. They discovered some polyps, they ended up having to fix my deviated sceptum, and cut out the additional sinus that wasn't suppose to be there and scraped the rest of my sinuses. If I have any sinus problems after this surgery I am filing a greivance, there isn't much left I would think. I am finding that I am exceptionally blessed with the neighbors and ward members who have gone above and beyond for me and my family the last 6 months. They are truly compassionate and caring people and I appreciate them more then words can possibly say. They have shown me what it means to have true charity. I only hope that I can reciprocate someday for them. I am looking forward to next week to get these awful splints out of my nose so I can start to feel normal again and not feel like NOSE girl. All in all I feel very priviledged to have such caring individuals in my life. Thanks to you all.

Another Photo

The backside of the headstone. I also wanted to add that my lovely 2 year old Matthew decided that he needed another set of stitches so he was walking around the house with an Easter basket on his head and fell and bit through his upper lip. So today this little guy has a very fat upper lip with 3 stitches. Once we came home he proceeded to put the bucket back on his head. What do you do???

It's finally done....

Well it's finally done. This is the final product of the choices that I made for my mother's headstone. I think it turned out great. It was an amazing gift to remember that today was the anniversary of my family going through the Idaho Falls temple April 9, 1982 to be sealed together. Today is also the 5 month mark for when she died. It still isn't getting easier, I am hopeful that the trials and difficulties of this time will make sense to me and I will look back at this time and find that I learned a lot from the experience.

5 months.......

This week is the 5 month mark of my mother's collapse at Sam's Club. So many people say grief gets easier. Nobody is handling the loss very well. My entire family is struggling with her not being around to keep us all sane.
This weekend is the 179th General Conference for the Church. I am interested in seeing what important talks and thoughts of the general authorities are going to be in these "crazy" times. I am currently updating my 72 hour kits and trying to get my food storage organized and written down so that I know exactly what I have and how much.
Marcia is leaving Hawaii tonight and getting home tomorrow. She isn't going to enjoy the scenery. We got 4 inches of snow today. Isn't reality annoying!!!!!!
Illegitimus non-carborundum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Springs in the air........

Well it definately feels like Spring is coming. Hallelujah!!!! Today is my son Joseph's 6th birthday. It is amazing how fast time is going. I always promise myself that I am not going to let them have a party with friends over. Somehow, it always ends up happening. Luckily they only have a birthday once a year. I am getting really jealous. Marcia is going to Hawaii at the end of the month. I wonder if I could stow-away in her luggage. I can feel the seasons starting to change which in Idaho means that it goes from cold and snowy to moderately cold, snowy and WINDY!!!!! You've got to love our seasons. I have been given the assignment for Sharing Time on Sunday and everytime I approach the subject of Grandmothers, I have a crying jag. Last week I was doing okay. This week I am a watering faucet. I am basically an emotional wreck. The last thing that the kids in primary are going to need is seeing me bawling my head off. Hopefully I can get my emotions contained before Sunday or they might heaven forbid Release Me. RIGHT.....lol. All kidding aside, I hope and pray that I can do justice to the lesson about how my Extended family helps me.

It's frustrating

I am getting surgery again next month April 13th. I really hope that this will fix the headache problems that I have been having. Tomorrow I get to go with my Aunt to find out if she has a form of Leukemia. I am not sure how I feel about this. It feels like things just keep getting piled on. Emotionally I am all over the place. Up one day, down the next. It was 4 months ago this week that my mother died. It seems for everyone else that time is going super fast. For me, it feels that it is in slow motion. I feel like I am walking and living under water and moving against the current. Things that used to take me minutes is now taking me hours. Things that used to be automatic are now not. Life isn't what it used to be that is for sure. Today is a pretty busy day, for me at least. I had my doctors appointment this morning, don't you just love hour long waits. Then he said that surgery would be the best option and that this time the chance of re-surgery is only 10%. I pray that he is correct and that this will be the solution I have been hoping for. Then at 1:00 I had to go help decorate the church for the Enrichment Relief Society Birthday party tonight at 7:00. Matthew fell off the stage, within the first 15 mintues and spend 20 minutes crying. Now I finally got Matthew down for his nap and pray that the kids are quiet when they get home so he gets a little rest. And truth be known I need the quiet time. I am really happy that I don't have to worry about my Chorister calling anymore. I still have 3 others so I am still busy. Life is getting scary. HBO is showing a series about Polygamy and they are having an episode that shows the temple ceremony and clothing. I think that this is in extremely poor taste and unfortunate that people find this entertaining. Hopefully things start to slow down and life gets easier. Yeah right!!!!

Time for change...

Well it is finally official. I was released from my Ward Chorister calling yesterday at church. It wasn't a big surprise because I asked to be released but, I have been doing it for 2 years now and was ready for a change. I have been finding it really difficult to get up in front of everyone on Sundays since the death of my mother. It probably has to do with the fact that she died on a sunday and I have entirely to much time to think about her on Sundays, so I am an emotional wreck by the time church comes around at 1:00 in the afternoon. I really have grown a lot in the calling. When I started it I would make myself physically ill before church and would get a giant knot in my stomach having to be in front of everyone. Now, being in front of everyone is much easier. I have 3 other callings right now. So, I can focus more on my Valiant 9 calling and Enrichment committee calling right now. I really appreciate my ward, they are definately going above and beyond in helping me deal with the loss of my mother and I appreciate it immensely. It takes difficult times to make you appreciate the people that are around you, the relationships you have become much more important. Friends become a lifeline. Life changes...the circle of life is in full force. My brother and his new wife are expecting at the end of October and that is very fitting, that will be the 1 year monumental mark that changed all our lives.

It was lovely while it lasted

Well, the Destinations Inn was absolutely wonderful. They present you with a bottle of Sparkling Cidar on ice in your room, along with 2 pieces of Cheesecake in the fridge upon check in. In the morning they bring Fruit and Yogurt parfaits, and 2 warm Cinnamon rolls along with your choice of 2 different beverages. It is really a great retreat we stayed in the Alaska room with the cabin style room and rocked tub surround. This is second stay there in the past year, the Athens rooms was amazing also. Our plan for next year is the Paris suite, you can shower under the Eiffel Tower. I am getting excited this week the snow really started melting and the sun was actually shining I finally got to take the plastic off my big living room window so I can finally see out of it again. Things are always crazy, today while doing laundry my dryer wouldn't turn on and I can't figure out what is wrong with it. I have to go get our monthly groceries tonight so that we can actually eat what I have planned for the rest of the week. Ugh!!! I hate grocery shopping. It was a great weekend, now back to reality, what a bummer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They don't know what they are doing.....

Well, had another doctor's appointment this morning and shocker. My doctor made a mistake. Now it will be a question whether or not he get's to pay or fix the problem without charge. Yeah right. I had surgery 4 weeks ago and have been taking antibiotics for that amount of time. I had another checkup today and he seems to think that I have an infection in my right sinus, but wanted to verify it with another CT scan. Amazing, I have a third sinus cavity that isn't really suppose to be there and now he is talking of another operation. How can you miss a third cavity if it isn't suppose to be there wouldn't it be pretty obvious??? So right now I am angry and the incompetence of most doctors is enough to make you better just for spite. I am looking forward to tomorrow night. My husband and I are finally going to have a night to ourselves with no children. Hallalujah, we are going to stay at the Destinations Inn tomorrow night and enjoy having some alone time, along with dinner at Olive Garden. I am super excited for the break. We are going to the cannery on Saturday for our Ward activity and hope to keep our food storage going this year. All in all things are interesting to say the least.

Another Month and Counting

Another Month is almost half way over already. My oldest Sarah just turned 10 on Saturday, You just have to love a birthday on Valentine's day. My wonderful husband surprised me with a gift certificate to the Destinations Inn for a night away from the craziness of my house, along with a gift card to Olive Garden. This is the first time in years that we have exchanged gifts for each other on Valentines. I believe that he is aware that I am really struggling with dealing with the loss of my mother and haven't had much time away since it happened 3 months ago. I am sure that the people of church think that I am an emotional wreck. I did just ask my bishop to release me from my Ward Chorister calling as I have been doing it for 2 years and am ready for a break. It is really difficult to get up in front of everyone on Sunday's since this all happened. My dear son Joseph who will be 6 next month said the funniest thing on Sunday in primary. The president was asking him "Why did your dad baptize your sister?" His response is "Because my mom didn't want to get wet." You have to enjoy the minds of these little kids. They are sure quick to have a great response. They are truly an amazing gift. They definately have been great at keeping me grounded and making me laugh, right when I need it the most. Things are going well. I get to get the implants from my sinus surgery out today. Hurray!!!! Hopefully this is stop my awful sinus headache. I will write more later.

New Year, New Goals

New Year, New Goals-Hoping to start out the new year of 2009 with a bang. Have already had 4 sick kids, a husband sprain a tendon in his foot and a baby getting his 2 year molers. Have a husband who hasn't been working for a couple of weeks and ready to scream from lack of a schedule when he is home. Plan to de-junk my house this year and get my family to start helping more in keeping house in order and clean. Want to finish the house painting inside, get new windows and get rid of all useless things that are taking up space. Also, want to figure out how to get through the grieving process of my mother passing away so very unexpectedly in November at the young age of 57. So for 2009 I have a lot of things that I want to be succesful at. Becoming a better mother, being much more organized, continuing to build my food storage and walking every day at least 2 miles. Boy we are ambitious. I am anxiously engaged in trying my best, that is all I can do.